Parshat VaYigash serves as the climax of the last few weeks of parshiot, wherein Yosef is finally reunited with his brothers and with Yaakov 22 years after being sold away to slavery.
There is a famous question asked about Yosef’s actions during these 22 years. Why didn’t Yosef try and contact his father to let Yaakov know that he was still alive? Even if Yosef didn’t have the ability as a slave or in jail during the first portion of his time in Egypt, he certainly had the ability to contact Yaakov when he was regent of Egypt? How could he have allowed his father to suffer more emotional pain than necessary?
The Ohr HaChaim comes to Yosef’s rescue. He quotes the Gemarrah in Brachot (33b) where it says “נוח לו לאדם שיפיל עצמו לתוך כבשן האש ואל ילבין פני חברו ברבים – it should be more agreeable to a person that he throw himself into a fiery furnace than embarrass others in public.” This is why Yosef first cleared the Egyptian court of all visitors before revealing himself to his brothers and why Yosef allowed the brothers the opportunity to break the news to Yaakov on their own terms.
In addition, Yosef needed the opportunity to show the brothers in practical terms that he harbored no hard feelings by giving them gifts during their two trips to Egypt. Rashi explains that when Yosef says “וְהִנֵּה עֵינֵיכֶם רֹאוֹת, וְעֵינֵי אָחִי בִנְיָמִין – And, behold, your eyes see, and the eyes of my brother Binyamin” that Yosef is telling the brothers that just as Binyamin had no part in the sale of Yosef and no negative feelings are harbored against him, so too Yosef feels no ill will towards his other brothers.
The brothers on the other hand needed the opportunity to properly repent from the sale of Yosef. The Rambam in Hilchot Teshuva says that teshuva gemurah (complete teshuva) is only achieved when someone has the opportunity to do the same sin previously committed, yet conquers the temptation. Yosef orchestrates the whole brothers-in-Egypt story to make sure that the brothers have the same chance to get rid of Binyamin as they had with Yosef.
Both of these aspects are important lessons in how true peace is made. The victim must show that he not only forgives the one who has harmed him, but cares about them as well. The victimizer, on the other hand, must accept responsibility for what he has done wrong and repent in full, thus proving that he truly regrets what he has done wrong.
After the brothers have had their opportunity to repent and Yosef successfully reveals himself to his brothers, the brothers are finally called “Bnei Yisrael” instead of “Bnei Yaakov” for the first time. Only now are they able to join together as the founders of the nation of Israel rather than merely a collection of Yaakov’s sons.
In life we all have situations where we have done wrong and been wronged. May we learn the lesson of Yosef and his brothers and realize that by showing care and compassion to those around us can overcome even the most egregious wrongdoings.